drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize