I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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