the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
