no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
