I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
