hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
