I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
