I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
