Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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