She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
