he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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