I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she told me i tasted like america
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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