question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
