I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
