everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
