don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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