Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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