I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
