it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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