She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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