after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
