I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
