a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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