Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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