I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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