3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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