Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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