glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
two words: eviction party
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
