She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
