omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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