I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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