i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
