I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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