scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
