It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
