At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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