y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
