I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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