Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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