Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
