That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
