and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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