I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
