stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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