How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
