he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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