I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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