I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
