Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
