After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
