i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
