if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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