im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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