you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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