Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
