I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
