evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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