I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
