i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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