So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
