dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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