i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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