that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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