i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
