It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have started to decorate penises.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
