She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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