are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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